Well, it’s now Saturday.  I’ve worked 6 hours today, and almost 70 hours this week.  16 of which were yesterday.  And what is amazing, is that I can do it with just 3 or 4 hours of sleep on most days when talking to Mystery Girl late at night.  I have a lot to write about as many things have happened this week, well, maybe not, but I’ll type and we’ll see how it goes.

 

I’ll start with work, as it is fresh on my mind.  We are only two days away from going operational in the northwest.  I spent the last few days getting the User IDs and passwords ready for the Desktop App.  And still, I’m dependent on a mail merge e-mail going out on Monday that I’ll be sending.  A lot of things need to happen in order for everything to go smoothly, and unfortunately, there is only so much that I can do prior to Monday morning.  I’ll be starting work at 3:30 AM, which means I’ll be up at about 2 or 2:30.  It’ll be at least a 15 hour day.  Ugh.  Well, because it is my ass that is really on the line for some of these projects I’m trying to do as much as I can myself.  Two people quit this week.  One was a project manager, and the other was a security administrator.  The project manager, Brennan, was described by many as “a project manager with big boobs”.  And although that does accurately describe her, I can tell she was overwhelmed.  She says she found a better opportunity.  Well, when she turned in her notice, that was it, they wanted her to pack up and get out.  This is not a surprise, as you can screw up plenty of stuff if you wanted to in IT.  Although she didn’t have much for security permissions and system access, it was probably best.  And I know some people preferred her gone (didn’t want attitude problems).  We gave her a day to transition the stuff to Terry, as he is now taking over the IVR project, that was it.  The IVR and Desktop app share many commonalities (the same code base, web services, and  CICS transactions).  She went to lunch with us today.  And she helped finish up some last minute testing as it will be in place for the calls on Monday.  The project has really suffered.  I mean, I worked on it in the beginning with Jim and Cookie, and we had some late hours.  Including one final meeting that I remember until 11 pm on a Friday night.  It really wasn’t bad, as I could sit with Jim forever.  He puts you in a trance and makes you want to work for him.  But regardless, there was just too many dependencies to have everything in place by the time we went live.  So we are going with just the basics, and will be rolling our more functionality within the next month and going forward.  It’ll still impress those that call it, or so I think.  I got a hug from her before she left the restaurant, as that will probably be the last time I see her.

 

And as for the Desktop, well, the reason I’m even entering the User IDs and passwords is because the Security Administrator also quit.  She has been with the company over 7 years.  She too, was overwhelmed.  And because she was moving so slow, I went to the CIO and said, give me the stuff, as it is my ass on the line, and I want to be sure it gets done.  So that was that, I walked in, told her I was taking over that portion, and that I just needed the paperwork.  It reminded me of that scene in Armageddon where the government just came in and took over.  No choice, just get the hell out of my way.  Lisa is her name.  She really is a sweet girl, but it pissed me off when she kept leaving for lunch when there was shit that needed to be done.  She sent me an email apologizing and thanked me for taking it from her (as it was stressing her out).  She CC’d two directors, so I felt I needed to respond and not let her feel like she failed.  I said my usual “no worries!”, we couldn’t have gotten to where we are without you…blah, blah, blah, thanks for putting that form on the intranet site as it helped, blah, blah, blah, and some other nice comments to make her feel warm and fuzzy.  I don’t mean to sound now like I don’t care, it’s just that besides copying and pasting the e-mail, I’m not going to go through it all again.  I told her she did a great job and thanked her so much for her help.  Both the directors e-mailed me back to say thanks for doing that.  I just didn’t want her to leave thinking she failed.  What she had in front of her was an organizational nightmare, and it took me, what, 22 hours to get it done?  And I’m still not 100% finished.  I just knew that it would take a lot, and I didn’t want to put that burden on her, and I knew I would do it, as I had no choice, but fail myself (and that wouldn’t happen).  So, two IT employees gone.  The pressure killed them.  What’s next?  I wish them both well, and I hope everything goes great for them in the future.

 

Terry is only 45, not 48 as I believe I previously mentioned in my post about a month or more ago.  I wanted to make sure it was known, as it seemed to matter to him that I gave him the three years.  He knows I have a site, I just haven’t given him the link.  I found out today that he has been keeping track of what I’m saying, trying to figure out things, such as who mystery girl, cookie, and others are.  Although I refer to them in different terms with him, it is kind of fun to watch his wheels turn.  In fact, he has now crossed Kolohegirl off the list as a possible match for Mystery Girl.  These people don’t realize that they’ll never figure it out.  Especially when they don’t even know the person.  Regardless, she wants even her name to remain anonymous, so, she does.  Terry is leaving for Wisconsin again tomorrow.  He was a great help today, as things moved faster with him there.  The company was nice.  To have someone with me while I suffered.  I had plenty of people offer to help, but I turned them down.  Such as Leesha and Karen (consultant working on NDM, FTP utilizing SSL and the other batch interfaces).  I didn’t let them help, as I figured they had more important stuff to do.  But since he is the project manager, I figured it was more his place and I didn’t feel like I was taking him away from anything.  I know he came in to support me, and that meant a lot to me.  His fiancé even made some brownie like things.  I’m not sure what they were, but they were still warm as she had made them that morning.  Ghiradelli chocolate and all.  Leesha brought in some snacks, the most popular being the strawberries and whipped cream.  Those were gone in minutes, mostly due to queer eye and myself. 

 

We toilet papered Queer Eye’s desk last night before we left work.  Leesha left at 8 pm, and I left at 9.  We laughed so hard, as we thought it was the funniest thing in the entire world.  You can see what a lack of sleep does to people.  Professionalism goes out the door.  He tried hard not to smile this morning, and tried to act like he hardly noticed as he so nonchalantly moved it out of his way and turned on his laptop.  He then proceeded to turn on Dido nice and loud and play it over and over again.  That was his way to get back at me, as I’ve teased him about that before.  He really hasn’t done anything to get back at Leesha.  But I have a feeling we’ll both get something here soon…  Leesha, Doug (queer eye) and I have really gotten comfortable lately.  Even Karen.  Because of the stress level and the lack of professionalism, the true personalities have come out, and we actually all get along.  Karen was not happy when she stayed late last night.  She wanted to go to the baseball game and go drinking with her friends.  I felt for her, as that is all anybody wants to do is get the hell out of there, we just need the stuff working for Monday.

 

We needed to call Wisconsin late last night and we called several people from between 10 and 11 pm.  One of whom finally called me back at 5 am this morning.  It sucks to be them, and be two hours ahead.  Then again, it sucks for me, to be two hours behind.  Which is why I’m up at 2:30 on Monday.

 

You can not eat 10 saltine crackers in one minute.  But that doesn’t mean that almost every person you tell thinks they can’t do it.  In fact, most will try.  It is hilarious.  I managed to get 10 in my mouth, but there is no way you can swallow them.  You probably can’t even get through 5 in a minute.  Well, this was the talk of IT for awhile, because the crackers were a hot commodity.  And the news eventually trickled back to Jim without me telling him.  But it was funny watching queer eye have crackers coming out his nose because Leesha made him laugh while trying.

 

We want to get Leesha to pull a prank on the CEO.  We are doing a demonstration next week for the DoD, as the government will be on site as we go live.  We want to get the top few in a room, to give him a listen to our IVR, only we want Leesha to do it with her Georgia version.  Ya’all, thanks for calling, um…just so you know, I can recognize words and uh, phrases.  I’m fixin’ to transfer you, uh, to a rep.  You can’t really type in a southern accent.  She was so funny.  So we are going to set up a way to do this for him with her being the IVR voice.  It’ll be great.  After working today, we all went to lunch at Claim Jumper.  Eric, Ann (Jim took two of the kids home, one stayed to eat), Rick, Brennan, Phil, Leesha, Katie, Doug, and Rhonda.  Doug was kind enough to buy.  $250 dollars later.  We joked a bit about work, but it was nice to see them outside of work.  Everybody was cussing, making fun of the IVR, it was really fun.  Almost everybody drank, which helped keep it fun.

 

The only thing I’ve had to eat the last three days was lunch.  I need to make sure I’m eating.  I get so busy with work and with everything else, I don’t eat.  I don’t even really get hungry.  No wonder I’ve lost so much weight.  Oh, but hey, I heard from Leesha that a cute girl in Marketing said I looked good.  That made me feel better, especially because it was a cute girl in Marketing.  Anything to help my ego.

 

I just read Kolohegirl’s site.  Poor thing, she’s not too happy with work.  And the worst part, is when she bitches, I know I’m included.  Because although she is my bestest friend, I also know that I bug her for work stuff at all hours of the day.  Like last night, when I sent her an e-mail then called her at about 10:30pm, then she followed up with me with an e-mail at 1:30 am.  She doesn’t get paid enough, but then again, nobody does.

 

Mitch left.  Mitch was cool.  He was the quiet consultant that shared space in our little paradise room.  It was funny when I was thinking that I wouldn’t have that family in IT.  But I can’t imagine being elsewhere.  I can’t say enough how much I love working with Leesha.  Mitch had all kinds of helpful ideas to solve problems, and his wit was like no other.  He through in a comment last week about us needing to collect AOL CDs to help solve the bandwidth problems.  He’s the one that mentioned the mail-merge thing for the 400 e-mails I have to send on Monday.  Thanks to him, I’m sending 2 e-mails, which will become 400 e-mails.  I should probably share my findings with the Service Desk, as you would think they may have use for it someday.  Well, Mitch is moving on to San Diego.  His next assignment is for a school.  He lives in Avondale, and he’ll be back in AZ in three weeks.  I wish him the best in his future endeavors.

 

I’ve spent the last 10 minutes exchanging e-mails with the BA team.  It’s sad on a Saturday night that we are all online instead of out.  Queer Eye is at his hotel, and Katie is in the office.  Leesha and I are lucky enough to have laptops and work from, well, anywhere thanks to wireless technology.  It’s just whack that we aren’t having fun.  We have a decent little group.  We work hard, and that’s what matters to the company.  We just make sure we enjoy ourselves while doing it.  Hence the room, named Paradise.  We even have decorations and everything.  We are a crazy bunch.

 

I know some people have found their way to this site without me giving it to them, and although I can’t complain, as if I wanted it private, I wouldn’t put it on the internet.  I would hope that they would be respectful enough to be somewhat professional with the information, particularly at work.  I have no complaints yet, but I wanted to make sure it was out there, just in case others “stumble” across it in their Xanga travels.

 

I felt bad telling Kolohegirl I couldn’t watch the movie on Thursday, and although I was honest in one of my reasons (needed sleep), I told her the other reason later (I’m whack).  I hope she understands.  She tells me I worry too much, which I do, but I guess that is just me.

 

I could fall asleep here just typing on the laptop.  I’m in bed with the light out, and I guess I’m just really comfortable and tired.  Speaking of comfortable and tired, that describes last night.  For both Mystery Girl and myself.  She was a little tipsy and tired when she got here, and she just wanted to relax and cuddle.  I was game for that.  She didn’t want me to post anything about it, but she gave in as long as I clarified that nothing happened.  All I care about is being with her and talking to her.  Nothing else is even on my mind.  That would just be an added bonus.   All kidding aside, I really like her and don’t want to even move forward on that front (even to kiss her) until I really know her for her.  I know it might seem odd for some that I would move that slow, but I just like what we have, and I will move at the pace I feel is right.  You would think that with the conversations that we’ve had, that we would know so much about each other, but it still feels like there is so much to know.  I hope there always will be, as that is why I enjoy talking: just to learn more.  I don’t know why she cares so much about what other people think.  Nobody knows her, except for Dr. B, as we figured she was smart enough to figure it out.  But she worries more than I do about what people think (which is probably why I don’t worry, because she does for me).  She came over on Wednesday, and we had our Dairy Queen blizzards.  We laughed because I got a small and she got a large.  Role reversal.  We had gone shopping before that to look for movies and food.  I just enjoyed every minute with her.  She truly is a junk food junkie.  The way she was trying to decide between two types of doughnuts was hilarious and adorable at the same time.  We found a middle ground with soda, Code Red, and we ordered our pizza.  We started to watch the movie, but kept pausing it to comment, then eventually it never got unpaused.  We made it about 30 minutes into the movie.  Then we talked for several hours.  When I told Terry this, I clarified that this was talked, not “talked”.  Actual conversation.  Even Brennan inquired.  She said you must have just met her, as you have to do that talking thing first.  She was funny.  I said, yeah, you know, there is that process you have to go through, first you have to talk to her, take her out, blah blah blah.  That’s what she was getting at.  Only thing here is, if there is just that process and nothing else, then Mystery Girl wouldn’t want anything to do with me.  And surprisingly or not, I wouldn’t want to continue either.  Because I’m not walking a path, following a formula, or doing anything else.  And if people are just one way in the beginning and not like this in the future then let’s move on now.  I’m looking for the one.  And I’m fine if this is not her, but if it’s not, then let’s not waste each others time.  I should say that even though I’m saying all this, I should clarify that I don’t think she is a waste of my time by any means.  And I don’t think either of us is putting forward a front, or just going through motions.  That is why I like her.  If I had any complaints, it is that I don’t talk to her enough.  And I talk to her all the time.  That’s how much time I want to spend with her.  I can’t help but wonder why, but I don’t do that.  I could spend time with others and I actually do miss my friends.  But I wonder what it is she does when she is not with me.  She doesn’t really fill me in with much for details.  Heck, she could be seeing four guys for all I know.  She caught me off guard earlier this week by telling me about her parents, but I have since recovered from the shock.  Anyway, well, she was over for like 6 hours on Wednesday, and then we talked for about two more after she left.  How can I have any doubt in my mind that she doesn’t like me at least a little?  I mean, if she talks to me that much, wouldn’t that be obvious?  Guess that would be my insecurity coming out again.  The insecurity that she pointed out that I have.  It was odd hearing her say that, as most people like me because of the confidence that I portray.  Only problem is, that confidence is at work.  I am not who I am at work.  Well, I made a few comments that showed insecurity in things, and she pointed it out to me, and told me I shouldn’t be insecure.  I don’t think I am overly insecure, or that I should be worried about it.  One that stood out was body structure.  We were talking about the way people looked and this and that, and I’m sure I showed some weakness there.  It just made me a little uncomfortable.  She noticed.  I’m not overly worried, but it is a subject that makes me think (probably more than I should).  I asked her what the most negative thing about me was, and she pointed out a grammatical mistake that I make, which I have since worked on fixing (it’ll be gone in about 2 weeks).  And I have since found another that I have corrected.  I like the fact that she pointed it out.  I’m usually pretty good at correcting them.  Some are immediate, and others take me time to get used to.  Most can be fixed 100% within a few weeks.  We exchanged a few messages today, but still haven’t talked.  I think it is cute that she calls me dreamer on her site.  Although she’s posted only a few times, her words captivate me just as much.  She writes a lot too when she writes, but I love it, because the more there is for me to read, the happier I am.  She is right, I am insecure.  Sometimes just more than others.  I just had an insecure thought pop into my head, which is why I typed it.  I worry that in my next relationship I will be the lover, and not the beloved.  I would actually prefer it be right in the middle, but you can’t always have that.  And I know there are those that have been married for over 10 years and one is the lover and the other is the beloved.  It’s just another thing for me to worry about…  She asked me the other day why I talked to her and not others, as there is plenty of cute people that I see.  She said that if looks are the first thing that people see, why didn’t I go for somebody else.  But what she has to remember, is that I wasn’t really going for anybody.  I was just talking to her when I got a chance, and I found her captivating.  If you put all the time we talked together into one chunk, it was probably less than 10 minutes.  And when she gave me her number, I called.  I didn’t even ask for it, and to be honest, I probably never would have.  And she has the looks, she just must not realize it.  I mean I think she is very attractive.  It was nice to see her for the few moments she was asleep last night.  I enjoyed running my fingers through her hair.  She was just so peaceful and beautiful.  Just thinking about her, and what she is like when I’m with her, and to think that somebody, or people are lucky enough to be enjoying her company right now.  Her laugh, her smile, and just her great personality.  Lucky them…

 

I question myself, as I was just in love with somebody that moved away.  I’ve been in love twice in my life.  How could I even entertain the thought of the possibility of meeting somebody great?  I’m not sure, and to be honest, I wasn’t.  I just figured I wouldn’t for awhile.  And no expectations.  I’m holding true to that.  Not having expectations and not having desires are two different things though.  Just because I don’t have expectations for things to move forward doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t upset me if they didn’t.  Thanks to Kolohegirl for the support.  I guess I just care about my image just as much as Mystery Girl does.  Thanks for being there.

 

It’s amazing, as busy as I have been, and being alone for just a few hours on a Saturday night can get me down.  You would think I would take this time and enjoy the few calm moments while I have them.  But no, I sit here and wonder…what is it that everybody is doing?  Batlover, Mystery Girl, Kolohegirl, TDM, Lisa, JenRed, Christy, Dr. B, JB, AprilLynn, my brother and his girlfriend, oh, wait, I already know about those two, as they are probably having sex.  I got a wireless card this weekend, it was like pulling teeth.  I should plant my ass in the middle of nowhere and look at the stars.  Nothing like writing on Xanga in a grassy field while looking up at the stars.

 

I haven’t even talked about Lisa yet.  There is too much there for me to write now.

 

Well, I drove to Desert Ridge, just to turnaround and come home, as Mystery Girl called and said she was on her way to my place.  She saw the cute bunnies that are always outside, and she wanted to read this before I posted it.  I can’t believe I let her.  Brutal honesty.  I know Batlover thinks that starting with somebody like that means it won’t work out.  But I love proving people wrong.  I’ve had the techno music on in my house for about 48 hours straight.  I haven’t shut off the receiver yet.  I think Tigger might like it while I’m gone.  He looks like a techno kind of dog.

 

Well, I’m not really sure what to say about Mystery Girl.  There are two things that are eating away at me.  The first of which is that she worries way too much about her anonymity.  She has nothing to worry about.  She is paranoid beyond the point that even I would be.  I just wish we could move past it.  Well, not really, as I don’t worry because she does, and if she didn’t worry I would have to, but I just wish she wouldn’t worry so much or about so many things.  I think she is under the impression that hundreds of people read this thing or something.  In reality, it is probably less than 10, and they are scattered all over the world.  And there is only one person that has met her.  There are two other people who may see her, but I seriously doubt it.    And even if they did, they would have no clue.  These people are more mature than what she may be used to, but she doesn’t know that.  Just a stranger on the street is all she is.  Other than that, nobody else even crosses her path.  The other thing, is that as open and honest she is, she still seems like she is holding back.  I’m not sure with what exactly, but I get that feeling.  She says a lot of things that give the impression that she is open, and don’t get me wrong, she most certainly is, as the things she tells me I know she doesn’t tell anybody else in some cases.  But there is more.  Something behind the scenes.  I think I caught a little bit more of it tonight, as she told me that she doesn’t let herself think too much, at least not about her emotions.  Which is why she doesn’t post very often.  It forces her to be emotional.  I think that is the side that I feel I’m missing.  I’m getting all the words, but missing the feelings.  Kind of, well, I get some feelings, just not a very large percentage.  And that is her prerogative.  I don’t want to ask for something she doesn’t want to give.  I just don’t know how I can say I know her for her, if I don’t know, well, her.  Does that make any sense?  I’m on 7 pages in MS Word.  Yeah, I think this is my longest post so far.  I was kind and let her edit part of this post.  Which is something I don’t like to do.  I want to say what I want to say.  It is for me.  I did it, mostly because it was a small minor detail.  But then again, if it was just a minor detail why did I need to do it?  It goes back to issue #1.  Worrying.  Life is too short to worry.  Listen to me, like I’m an expert on not worrying.  Riiiigght.  I worry more than anybody I know, except maybe for her.  Another thing her and I have in common.  I need to go to bed, again.  After making that comment about falling asleep at the keyboard, well, I did, for about 4 or 5 hours.  She asked to go to breakfast with me tomorrow.  I’d love to.  I have to work sometime, but I’d gladly work around her schedule.  Is it not sad that two people can’t end up being together forever because of constraints?  All different types of constraints, schedules, preferences, where they are in life, just all kinds of things.  Especially when there are two great people, and they could be great together, they just can’t be together.  The thought is sad.  Okay, I hate to end on a sad note, but before this ends up on 8 pages, which it almost is, I’m going to go.  I’m almost to Monday.  The Monday that I’ve been working towards for over the last year.  I need a shirt that says “I survived 4/26”.  I’m sure I’ll talk to Mystery Girl again tonight.  She’ll probably read this, and I’ll have to think about how to explain how I feel.  The brutal honestly.  What can I say?  I like her, a lot.  I’m in love with the idea of being in love…

 

I’m going to bed.  Sometimes my own honesty makes me upset with myself.  I’m just not the happiest person right now.  I’m frustrated.  I need to go to bed.  Dreams.  That’s where it will all be okay.  Until later, Take Care.  And Sweet Dreams…

Note the time: 2:09 AM.  I just hung up with with Mystery Girl.  The real mystery is how do I work with such little sleep?  The world around me disapates when talking to her.  It is the best thing I've had in a long while...  After the day I've had, it's great to talk to her and make it all better.  Sometimes all I can think about is the next chance I'll get to see or talk to her.  Until then, dreamer is going dreaming...

Again,

Sweet Dreams...

Although I’m really trying to get to bed early tonight, I wanted to take a moment to post.  I’ve only gotten 4 hours of sleep last night, and 3 hours the night before.  Fortunately, it hasn’t all been a result of work, as I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to talk with Mystery Girl at night.  Regardless of the late hours, I enjoy the conversations more than words can describe.

 

A few weeks ago, I took the time to write about Le Mutt.  And just writing the last sentence brings me to tears.  She passed away earlier today.  I’ve been assured by Dr. B that this is not a result of the chocolate cake that she was able to eat on my birthday (it was spilled by a sibling).  And while I’m not one to argue with Dr. B on things on which I’m not an expert, I have to wonder.  I did yell at them that chocolate would kill the dog, and to make sure she didn’t eat any.  She stopped eating her food the next morning, and had lost a lot of weight over the past week.  When she was taken to the vet today, it was determined that she was bleeding internally.  And although I have no doubt that this was something that was in process prior to last week, I can’t help but wonder if the chocolate cake had an impact on it.  The timing is just too coincidental.  I mean, the next day, she never ate again.  It’s hard enough thinking that this was on my birthday, as if the day wasn’t bad enough.  Well, the decision was made that we would put her to sleep on Friday.  Well, unfortunately, she didn’t make it through the afternoon.  I gave my mom money to pay for the cremation, and I went and chatted with her earlier this evening.  I can see she is upset as well, as she sometimes takes it out on the kids (she was yelling at them for various reasons).  She just needs to vent her emotions, and unfortunately she does it by yelling at them.  Nothing big, just bitching in general.  I stopped by her house this morning on my way to work to give her the Highlander back, as I was driving it the last two days.  While I was there, I fed the dogs this morning.  I got some wet food and mixed it in with the dry food for Le Mutt, as we were trying to do anything to get her to eat.  I even got some hot water to soften it all up a little bit.  She licked at it and had a few bites, but not much.  I pet her while she lay there, and I waved to her before I left the house.  Not knowing that it would be the last time I saw her.  I always talk about the different reasons for which people come into our lives.  And sometimes I think the same is true for animals.  I know, kinda cheesy, but Tigger is here to keep me company, as that is why JenJen got him for me.  And Tonka, well, he is pure entertainment value for Cookie and I.  But we love him so…  And Le Mutt was there during my high school years.  The times that are the roughest for a lot of people, including myself.  I remember when she first came home, and I remember playing hide and seek (we’d hide in her kennel).  We knocked a window pane out of our back patio door (with a rock, and not on purpose) and she used it as a doggy door.  My first dog as a kid was Ruff, and man did I cry as a kid when we put him to sleep.  I remember the last time I got to take him for a walk, as I knew it would be his last.  I wanted so bad for Ruff to know tricks, I used to say that he knew to walk inside the cross walk and wouldn’t go outside the lines when crossing the street.  I’m not quite sure that was the case, but it made me feel like I taught him something.  It’s hard to type when your eyes are blinded with tears.  I just loved the dogs, as they are always there to love.  They don’t hurt you, they don’t say mean things, and they are always there when you come home (well, unless the gate is left open).  Le Mutt was all that and then some.  She was a smart dog, in comparison to the dogs that I’ve had and known.  Her temperament was great, as she loved just being near people and laying there.  The company was all she wanted.  She even gave me kisses this morning when I saw her.  It was hard to tell anything was wrong, and she still seemed so happy to see me.  With the exception of not eating, I would never have known.  I guess she grew weak as the day went on, but I wasn’t there to see it.  The kids learned a good lesson today, and I’m sure it will be a valuable life experience and memory for them.  My mom took them to see her at the vet.  Just to say their goodbye’s.  Although part of me thinks that is kind of morbid as it was after she died, I understand why she would do that.  And they seemed to feel better to have that.  I didn’t need it, as I guess I said my goodbye this morning.  I just didn’t know it.  I remember Jersey, and what it felt like when I lost her, and how grateful I was to still have Tigger.  The landscapers left the gate open and both Jersey and Tigger got out.  Jersey was hit by a car and didn’t make it.  She was fine physically, it was the shock that was too much for her.  Her original owner died of brain cancer.  We took her in after she had died.  We just think that maybe she missed her owner, as we hadn’t had her for more than a few months.  I don’t know.  I have Tigger on a wellness plan, I pay 27 dollars a month, regardless if he is ill or not.  He gets every vaccine they make for dogs, he gets his teeth cleaned once a year, as well as every other test annually.  I pay to have him stay in a suite with a TV when I’m not here, but still, I feel like I’m not good enough.  I was sure to spend some quality time with him when I got home, as I need to take the opportunity to appreciate that he is here and to give him some extra love.  God I miss Le Mutt.  She was just a sweetie.  When the window was broken in our living room (don’t remember what happened there) and I was asleep on the couch, she jumped over me and went out the window.  She took herself for a walk at the park about a block or two away, then came back in through the window.  I never noticed she was gone.  But several people told me they saw her at the park.  Then I caught her doing it again later.  I was impressed she knew her way around the neighborhood like that.  Like I said, I just thought she was a smart dog.  She was there for me when I needed her, and her sweetness was seen by all that met her.  I will miss her with all my heart.

 

And as if that wasn’t enough, I got a call from JenJen yesterday.  And because of the time of day, as I was at work, I knew something was wrong.  She called to tell me that Joe died in a motorcycle accident.  Joe was a good friend of hers, throughout her junior high, high school, and even college life.  I didn’t get along with him, as he spent the first year or so of me being with her trying to convince her that I wasn’t worth it.  But I was with her for several more years, and I hope it wasn’t as bad as he was trying to convince her it was.  Well, a year ago, Joe’s best friend died in a motorcycle accident.  And although he promised JenJen that he wouldn’t ride one, this last week he traded his car for his friend’s motorcycle just for the week.  No helmet, as he said that if he died, he wanted to die the same way his friend did.  Well, he did.  And he took a young woman with him.  A girl in whose name has not yet been released.  And if JenJen is correct in her assumption, she is somebody I knew from high school as well.  He was drinking that night.  Of course, so, mix that with no helmet, and with a late night (or early morning in this case) it is a recipe for disaster.  Some say it was fate, some say it was intentional.  I do not know.  All I know is that she is hurt, and I feel for her.  I’ve called her continually to check in.  I know she’s got her friends and her boyfriend, but I will always have a love for her that will never cease to exist.  I just want to be sure to do anything I can for her.  The funeral will be in Phoenix on Thursday (she is in school at U of A where he was too).  Although I didn’t care much for him while I knew him, I do care about what happened, and I am sympathetic for his friends and family.  As well as the friends and family of the girl he was with.  JenJen, if you need anything, I’m always here for you…

 

It’s been a busy day, I’ve worked over 12 hours again, and I had to watch 24 (it’s the only show I have left).  It was sad, the only chance I had to talk to Jim today at work was to follow him into the bathroom so I we could chat while he pissed.  Something is wrong with that picture.  I did however see him on my way home tonight, as we live across the street from each other.  I was talking to Mystery Girl at the time, and I could see he was on his phone too.  I’m sure I’ll be lucky enough to hear from Mystery Girl again tonight.  I know several people today saw some tears, and I just didn’t have time to care, as I was just too busy with work.  I’ll take time to grieve, and I’ll head to bed now.  I wish the best for Joe’s and his passenger’s friends and families, and I will never forget Le Mutt.  As I will always have the stuffed animal from which her name is derived, and I will never forget how much she meant to me…

 

Sweet Dreams…

Just as Batlover was ready to add Mystery Girl to the list with a “Fucking Mystery Girl…”

 

She called, granted, it was at 11:30 at night, but the next two and a half hours were so worth it.  I have no problem talking to her, no matter what the time of night.  Sometimes I think she is just in my mind, reading my thoughts throughout the day.  As when I talk to her, she describes some of the same things I think about.  And not just the general things, for example, she was thinking about The Tell Tale Heart yesterday too.  I mean, how odd is that?  I know it won’t always be like that, but I thought it was cute that it was, even if it was just for a few moments.  And Batlover did say that 48 hours is required before being added to the “Fucking Wyatt”, “Fucking Melinda”, “Fucking Scottie, “Fucking Steve”, “Fucking Jay” list…  She is just too funny. 

 

Remember that comment TDM made about her buying me a latte?  Well, guess who was at Starbucks?  Yup, Mystery Girl.  She was getting her “me time” in yesterday, as she went to a bookstore and read while enjoying her coffee.  She turned off her phone, and just drifted away from the world.  It sounds beautiful.

 

Well, after only 3 hours of sleep, I’m ready to drift off any second.  So, I watched some Malcolm in the Middle, Las Vegas, and I’m going to get to bed early tonight.

 

And the truth shall set you free.  But will it?  I ask because of a comment that was made in this show.  How does it set you free?  You feel a burden lifted?  Does it really solve the problem?  Why the hell couldn’t they just say, the truth shall lift some of the burden (as it won’t remove all of it all the time).  I write some stupid stuff.

 

Oh, and 24 kicked ass last night.  It was the first time at the end of the show there was no “tick tock” noise with the counting clock.  It was just silence…  It really added to the drama.  I couldn’t believe he killed him.  It was so sad, to see such a hard ass show such an emotional side, it was really cool.  I love that show, as it never ceases to entertain.  Yeah, no deep meaningful purpose for 24.  Just good action to fulfill that testosterone need that I seem to have.  I’ll just have to get season 3 on DVD to add to my first two seasons.  I still want the X-Files seasons 3 and later.  I’d love to sit and watch them sometime.  If I only had the time to sit and watch crap TV and movies with someone…

 

I had Doritos for dinner.  And caffeine free Diet Dr. Pepper.  I’m so healthy.  Okay, sleepy time.  Have a goodnight….

Well, after leaving Starbucks I headed to my sister’s to see what the deal was.  She was projectile vomiting like my nephew was the other day.  I guess something is running through my family.  Probably best if I stay away.  So, no movie tonight.  I surprised Batlover by coming over to help her with her yard.  I mowed it, helped her pull a few weeds, and then we swept the garage, walkway and driveway.  It didn’t take too long.  We laughed because 3 different ice cream trucks came past in about an hour time span.  And one came by twice, so a total of four times trucks passed us.  It was crazy.  She said there is never a shortage of ice cream in the barrio.  We even had a couple pushing their groceries home in a shopping cart.  We talked about how her and I had no problem with people doing that, as long as they returned the damn cart.  There was the grandma that lives across the street, with the grandchild, whose dad lives just down the street.  It made for an interesting conversation.  She doesn’t live in the ghetto.  Jay works in the ghetto though.  She had pictures of us up in her house.  It was cute.  Nothing like a picture of Jay and I sitting next to each other on a swing in Lisa’s backyard.  Yeah, that might pose a few issues.  She was going to a BBQ tonight with a friend.  So, I came home and showered, then sat down to do some work.  And as for what Batlover refers to as “rubbing one out”, you know how long it’s been?  I work way too much if I can’t even find time to make sure I’m happy.  What the hell is up with that, if I don’t do it now, I’ll be an old man here soon.  It can’t be a good sign if the sex drive dies down.  What is odd, is that it just comes and goes, it’s gone most of the time, but when it is here, it is like DAMN, everything is a turn on.  It’s funny because I always joke with Kolohegirl about the Showtime stuff, and I don’t even have Showtime.  I just need to find more time to make sure I do that.  It’s a hell of a stress reliever.  Okay, I’ve reached a new level of posting tonight. 

 

Speaking of that, somebody in the Phoenix Contact Center was talking about having a Passion party I think it was called?  She gave me some stuff to put on my lips that was supposed to make it tingle.  I just thought it was because I had chapped lips, then she told me it was meant for her nipples.  How nice.  And I wonder how stupid ass rumors about me get started.  This isn’t even somebody I talk to!  How whack is that?  She had booklets at work about the stuff they sell.  And the stupid management is worried about me talking to the innocent ones.  Again, how stupid is that?  I’m also doing some laundry.  I’m always doing fricken laundry.  Laundry sucks, I need a maid like in the Brady Bunch.  Except I want like a really hot one.  Yeah, that would be cool.  Okay, tangent.

 

AprilLynn-I was not on my phone while in the airport.  I was pretty much hurrying to my next flight.  But I am famous for looking like I’m much more important than I really am.  I even have one of those earpieces so I can look like I talk to myself.  Yup, a Jerry Maguire wannabe I am.  Throw that together with the laptop, wireless internet, and a Starbucks, I’m a certified geek.  No pocket protector though.  Never had one of those.  But I do always have a pen in my pant's pocket.  Just a handy thing to have.  Like in a bar, it is always smart to have a lighter.  You have no idea how many women will ask you for a lighter.  But then again, you have to decide if you want to bother with them if they ask, as that normally means they smoke.  I digress, again.

 

Can you tell that my day was not as exciting as I wanted it to be?  It wasn’t too bad though.  It was very pretty outside, and driving was nice.  I had the windows down, the music turned up, and I was living it up.  I had plenty of time to think, and plenty of time to write.

 

I sent an e-mail to Kathleen last week.  I used to work with her, she has since moved on, gotten married, and is now pregnant.  I remember when us Aries’ stated we didn’t want children.  Now two of us have them, and the other two want some.  Just not with each other anymore (i.e. Cookie and I).  She has another 4 weeks left until she is scheduled to deliver.  She is looking at the names Kirra or Kiera.  I’m not sure her logic though.  I now am curious, as Mystery Girl got me to open my mind about why you name your child a certain name.  Up to this point, I’ve just gone with how it sounded, and what I thought was pretty.  But I agree, there should be more of a meaning to it.  Some of the names I liked had meaning, but not all of them.  I was joking with Kolohegirl this morning, I’m going to name my daughter Xanga.  Or even Aura.  And although Xanga would be quite comical, if you didn’t know any better, some people would think that would be a good name.  And as for Aura, well, I think that would perhaps work.  I mean, it does have meaning to me. 

 

I really like the actress Dakota Fanning.  When I first saw her years ago, I thought she was the most adorable little girl I had ever seen.  I fell in love with her in Ally McBeal, Taken, and Trapped.  She has since starred in dozens of things.  Including CSI, Malcolm in the Middle, I am Sam, The Cat in the Hat, Sweet Home Alabama, and most recently Man on Fire.  She’s only 10 years old now.  But she is one of the most adorable little girls I’ve ever seen on screen.  She did a great job in Taken.  Yes, I used to watch Ally McBeal.  Cookie may have been right, I’m a chick in this life, not just the previous. 

 

I don’t know about these snapshots in time that they have on our intranet site at work.  I mean, they look like they come out of Black Hawk Down or something.  I just need to focus on work, not the fact that they are disarming bombs overseas and stuff.  Those that I serve don’t motivate me all that much more than I already am.  As bad as that may be…

 

I talked to Lisa tonight.  I just felt I should at least call her to keep in touch.  She seems like she is pushing me to meet her husband.  She wants to convince me that he is a nice guy.  She doesn’t need my approval though.  I hope she knows the issue is with me, and not with her.  TDM stated that if she can’t get a reality check from her friends, then from whom can she get it?  I don’t think what she is doing is wrong; it’s just not that easy for me to accept.  I hope she is patient with me, and I’ll meet him when I meet him.  I guess she moved up the move date to mid May.  And she takes the stance with Batlover on Jay.  I don’t know what stance to take, as I’m not allowed to hear anybody’s side except theirs (and at this point I don’t disagree with them).  Time will tell.

 

I have to chair two meetings tomorrow.  One of which I’m used to, the other I’m not, as the CIO and a couple of VPs I don’t really care for will be in there, as well as all the Project Managers and some directors.  Ugh, not fun.  It’s different when I’m used to them (as I am most directors), but these are some that I don’t run into as often.  And what’s worse, is that it starts at 7:30 tomorrow morning.  What a great way to start the day. 

 

When Cookie was here yesterday, she said she wasn’t worried about any of the friends I’ve met since, as she still feels nobody can compare to her, and getting JB’s custom signature on a framed picture.  And don’t get me wrong, it was really cool, but there is more to my friends than the gifts they provide me.  And I know that’s not what she necessarily meant, but I don’t want to downplay how important my friends are to me since her.  She brought Merlin and Tonka over the other day.  Both of them pissed on my carpet.  I was upset, but I remained very calm and nonchalant.  As it wasn’t worth showing her my disdain towards her and them at that moment.  She cleaned it up really well, and you’ll never know it was there.  But still…

 

I would love to sit and watch some of the old Vincent Price movies with someone.  Or even read some of the old work by Edgar Allan Poe, such as The Tell Tale Heart.  He had some great work.  According to Roe (TDM) she’ll be buying me a latte soon enough.  I hope so…

 

My apologies Kolohegirl.  I really like you, and I just want you happy.  I’m just trying to figure it all out with what the deal is.  Please don’t join the club with Batlover and Lisa, because then I’d be all alone!  Feel free to tell me to shut the hell up, as I want you to be yourself.  Again, my apologies if I upset you…

 

Well, I’m going to watch some crap TV and perhaps a crap movie now.  It’s Sunday, 24 is on because of that idiot president’s speech last week.  It’s been a nice quiet Sunday.  Just the sounds of my figures typing away on the laptop.  And the nice music as I drove around with the wind blowing strong.  I hope I can enjoy all my days as much as I did today.  Me time, as it was referred to by Mystery Girl.  And yes, she must still be in that shower.  I asked Batlover if her heart skips a beat when the phone rings, in the event it may be Jay (as mine does for Mystery Girl), but she said that stopped after two days of not hearing from him.  That was pretty sad.  FYI-the next week is “hell week” as it’s been referred to in IT, as we are closing in on April 26^th.  So, be patient with me if I don’t keep in touch too often.  Rest assured, I’ll be back though…Sweet Dreams…

I feel like TDM, and it was ironic, just as I was thinking that, TDM called.  The reason I felt like him, is because I’m sitting outside Starbucks, and I’m posting on my Xanga site.  Which I know he does on occasion.  He is now in Tacoma, as he and Kolohegirl switched places.  So now she is back to support Phoenix.  I wonder how long he will be there.  Well, I thought I would go get myself a Jamba Juice, and an Einstein’s bagel.  So, now I’m here sitting outside Starbucks (they are all right next to each other).  I forgot for a minute that he was in Tacoma, otherwise I would have invited him to join me.  I called Mystery girl to see if she wanted to meet for coffee or something, but to know avail.  She must still be in that shower!

 

TDM stated he could never write like I could.  I’m not sure if I understand 100% what he means.  I think I’m pretty decent at typing.  I have no problem doing it.  In fact, when the opportunity comes around to take something on paper and type it up, I’ll jump on it.  I still feel fresh from school, so writing up papers is still in my head.  And I have to type crap up for work (presentations, project plans, blah blah blah) and such.  Although he was a manager, so I would think he had to do the same.  What he probably really meant by it was sharing my thoughts.  I just have no problem saying how I feel.  That, to me, was the point of this.  I wanted to share it with a few, very close, friends.  So, to those of you that read it, please don’t under appreciate what it means to me.  I still feel that I have to hold back a little bit.  As I can’t say everything that I want.  Well, I could, and I could just protect the post, but that wouldn’t be right.  I don’t even know that I can give examples of things that I hold back on.  Because then I wouldn’t be holding back! 

 

TDM spoke of a movie that he is going to finish watching, to make sure he takes it all in before he recommends it to others.  It’s a small scale movie, or perhaps even an independent film.  All he stated was that it was not one that’s going to be nominated for an Oscar or anything.  He felt it was a movie that said a lot.  Well, I won’t finish saying everything he said.  I’ll let him say it when he is ready.  But what I found interesting was that he wanted to share it with others.  It was just nice for me to hear somebody else see a movie for something more than, well, than for just being a movie.  Movies to me are just so much more.  They teach us things, they are entertainment, they are just so many things.  I would love to have somebody to share it with.  So, when Mystery girl said the other day that she would love to watch Vanilla Sky, and just sit and talk about it, I just melted.

 

It’s pretty outside today.  The wind is blowing a nice breeze.  I should probably move out into the sun, as isn’t that the point for living in AZ?  You wouldn’t know it by looking how light I am.  I joked with my sister and with Kelly that I was going to join a tanning salon.  She said she has a guy that could hook me up.  Riiiiggghtt (you have to say it with the Austin Powers tone).  Can you even imagine me with a tan?  The women are just lining up for me already, they would just have to take a number and come back later if I did that.  Again, Riiiiggghht.

 

It’s funny, as I’m here, there is a couple ladies that were supposed to meet at Starbucks, and they haven’t found their friends yet.  Somebody asked them if they were sure this is the right Starbucks.  There is 4 that I know of within a one mile radius of where I am.  So, if they weren’t sure, I’d give up now.

 

Cookie saw the pictures of my New Years Eve, as well as the pictures of Batlover, Lisa, Christy, and JenRed from our first evening together.  What was funny, is when she looked at the picture of Christy, she said, you like her don’t you?  I said why do you say that, because she’s blond (Cookie thinks I have an obsession with blonds, which I may, but anyway…)  She stated that it was because she looks like JenJen.  Which, she doesn’t, but whatever.  I also told Cookie about the posts I wrote that had her name in there.  I still haven’t given her the link, for as much as she knows me, I just don’t know that she understands how much it means to me.  The day that comes, then maybe I’ll share.  She knows me better than I know myself.  And that’s fucked up.  I have some catching up to do on myself!

 

Oh, and bgifted.com is now up and running.  The stores are not there yet, but they will be soon enough.  I’m very excited for him. 

 

Some dumb shit just dropped his lit cigarette outside the door and didn’t put it out.  That drives me nuts.  Besides the fact that it is littering, I have to sit here and smell the shit.

 

I’m supposed to see Kill Bill Vol. 2, so what’s the plan?  I haven’t heard from my sister, so I don’t know when we will be going.  And she was so insistent on going today too.

 

The birds here are like those at Disneyland.  They get right up next to you, just waiting for food.  So, Kolohegirl, when you finally do get to Disneyland, be sure to eat outside in Tomorrowland and watch the birds. 

 

There is so much to know in the world, I just wish I could learn it all.  A fountain of youth would be nice, but so would a fountain of knowledge.  If you were faced with both, and could choose only one, which would you choose?  I honestly would take life, I think.  My thought process there is, if I could keep living, I could keep learning, and learn the things the other fountain would have told me.  But then again, if I had the knowledge, I wouldn’t fear death as much, well, again, I think.  I just would think that then I would know what there is to know, including what comes after death (if anything).  Or would I take neither because I refuse to choose, that answer seems unlikely for me, as I would just have to pick something, as it seems a waste not to.  Or would I see it as more of a waste if I was forced to pick just one?  Life it is, final answer.  Call me shallow, call me scared, whatever.  Dr. B would be more noble and probably pick knowledge.  But what good is all that knowledge if you can’t live forever to use it?  I think the knowledge one is just as selfish, because you answer your questions, but you can’t help people forever.  I feel like I could do more if I lived long enough to provide it.  It’s all a matter of managing how you do it.  How would I?  Would I just have a bunch of people picking at my brain forever trying to get the information out so they could type up books and such?  Or, would the person with all the knowledge, be smart enough to find a way to live forever?  We already can slow the aging process by slowing how fast our cells reproduce.  Maybe we can take that a step further?  Just something to ponder…

 

Well, I’m going to get myself a coffee, since sitting here has got me in the mood for my venté non-fat, cinnamon spice mocha with a little bit of whip cream.  I’ll get that, then hit the road, to my next destination.  I have no clue where that may be.  What would be interesting, is to take a day and just travel place to place, stop, and write my thoughts while at that place.  Then move onto the next.  I’ve seen plenty here.  The gay couple that came for coffee, the mentally handicapped kid that was playing with the cute little girl, the teenager with his mom while she had a salad, and the two business guys getting ready for a round of golf at the TPC.  Okay, Sara(h?) is now leaving, she was the little girl.  I know her name because the kid was saying “bye Sara…”  I think he may be blind as well, I’m not sure, as I wasn’t really paying attention, but that would explain why he was standing by himself for awhile before he sat down.  And he wasn’t facing the people he was talking to.  Anyway, this was a long goodbye.  I don’t like goodbyes, it should be more of a “see you later”.  The Long Goodbye was a song on the Vanilla Sky soundtrack.  Okay, TDM said I had diarrhea of the mouth (or maybe of the fingertips in this case).  But it might not have been on the soundtrack, as the soundtrack only had about 18 songs.  I went and found every song that was credited in the movie and burned them to CD.  I guess I was just really captivated with the film.  Okay, coffee time.  I hope all of you have a good day.  Take Care…

I just find myself laying here thinking about all the things I would like to do.  I’ve been thinking about miniature golf, boating, jet ski’s would be really great.  Hiking with somebody would be fun, seeing as how I don’t even remember the last time I have done that.  Sometimes I feel as though I’m sharing all my thoughts and dreams with Xanga because I don’t have someone else to share it with.  Will that always be the case?  I’d hate to think that I’d give this up the second I’m with someone.  I’m surprised I lived from November to February without this.  Heck, even all the years before this one.  It still crosses my mind that I put things on here that I would probably prefer certain people don’t read.  I don’t know that I should be held accountable for the thoughts that I share.  Or should I?  I’ve followed a few basic rules.  The secrets that I’ve sworn to I keep.  Great America.  That would be fun, or even Magic Mountain, San Francisco.  Is it obvious that I have an itch?  I want to lose myself in all the fairytale dreams and a nice vacation.

 

Well, that vacation had to wait for a few minutes, because I just got a call from Leesha.  Provided a little MS Outlook tech support.  I told her to stay out of work this weekend.  We finally got ourselves out of those tables, and have some quality desks.  After moving room to room with the consultants…it’ll be nice.  She’s working from home, and that is more than enough.  Because I know what it is like, and it sucks having to work as much as we do.  Except, again this weekend, I haven’t done much for work.  It’s been a nice break.  I might catch up on some stuff later today, but we’ll see.  See, now I play helpdesk from home.  I did tell Leesha to call me if she had any problems with anything ever.  Because I need her projects to work, so I can get my projects to work.

 

I woke up early today, as my home phone rang.  It was Kolohegirl.  She didn’t say anything, so I called back.  Twice.  Then, she called me again.  Well, when I still didn’t hear anything every time I answered, I called her personal cell phone (not the blueberry from work).  Well, somebody picked up, then hung up.  What’s up with that?  It was probably Mr. Gump.  All pissy because someone is calling his woman at that time of the morning.  Okay, not really, but you never know…

 

Well, I’ve been awake ever since.  Just lying in bed.  I watched a little of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.  I heard the theme song from Ally McBeal, and saw about 60 seconds of 90210.  Now I’m watching Hard to Kill.  I don’t know why I liked this movie.  There was just a lot of things about it that I liked. 

 

Mystery girl must still be taking that cold shower, as I never heard back from her.

 

I love my bed.  Cookie just finished paying it off.  I was sure to thank her!  She can’t bitch, as she got the house. 

 

I would love to rent a couple ATVs and go out to the dunes in Yuma.  Tubing down the Salt River would be fun.  Just need to be sure to bring that sun block.  I could sit at Starbucks and just chat.  I would like to go walk downtown.  Go to the AZ Science Center.

 

That “dive in movie” thing at the Hyatt at Gainey Ranch would be really fun.  I know Mystery Girl said that would be fun when the weather warms up.  For me, it is plenty hot enough now, as I’m burning myself on the leather in the car every day after work and my trips between the buildings. 

 

What about shopping, or even window shopping?  Walking around Scottsdale Fashion Square mall would be fun.  They have the Segway scooters there that you can rent and try them out.  That would be interesting to see how they work. 

 

Okay, yeah, today could be very depressing if I don’t get out of the house and do something fun.  Batlover is at Temple.  Lisa is probably with her husband.  Kolohegirl must be sleeping or something is whack after the phone thing this morning.

 

An Arizona Rattlers game would be fun to see.  I’d like to see really any sporting event.  Heck, even a walk through Fry’s Electronics would be kinda fun.  Kolohegirl and I are supposed to do that someday.

 

Maybe I could start with breakfast.  Who’s game?  I spend a lot of money on food.

 

I know what I want.  I want Mystery Girl to come over and watch Gattaca and Vanilla Sky.  Okay, that’s just one of a million things that I want.  I’m curious to learn more about her fascination with that film. 

 

Skydiving would be fun, but I would like to do one of those parachute things being pulled by a boat too.  Don’t know what that’s called but it looks fun.  Universal Studios is of course up there on the list.  Just a trip to California.  Alcatraz, San Diego, or just a trip up the coast to see all there is to see.

 

I already said Australia is reserved for my honeymoon, so that’ll have to wait (it could be a long wait!)

 

Okay, it’s now 11:30, and I’ve been up since about 9:30.  I’ll probably drag my ass out of this bed and do something.  I hope each of you have a fun and exciting day.  Take Care…

 

It’s cute how stupid you are…

 

I just don’t get it…

 

Well, the night came and went, and it was really nice.  Like I said, it doesn't take much to bring back some thoughts.  Although it was what I thought of as a late start, in talking to Batlover, she thought I was smoking crack, as she thinks evenings start after 8.  Guess I need to get out more often, oh, wait, isn’t that what I’m doing?

 

Dinner was really pleasant, it was third times the charm for the waiter, as we weren’t even ready to hear his “our specialties spiel” until about 10 minutes into being there.  It was amazing how I still don’t have her pegged.  The only thing I know for sure, is that I don’t know her for sure.  She stunned me by ordering a shot of tequila with salt and lime at Jillian’s.  I was like, DAMN.  It was great.  She is simply amazing.  I got my ass kicked at a few video games, but I won my fair share too.  It was just a great time.  Fuck like bunnies?  Was that the comment she made?  And that song in the car, that was just as crazy.  She has me on my toes.  Although I wouldn’t call her young, she is my age.  Her mentality is at a much younger level than I am used to, and I love it.  But like Scottie (yes the one that never answered her phone) at Mimi’s said, “young women will keep you on your toes.”  I even lost at "left handed skeeball".  All 5 games of it.

 

We exchanged text messages today as well.  She was on her way back from her trip up north.  I had gone to pick up her keys as she had gotten her car worked on.  It was nice to be able to help her out.  Timing is everything though.  With not having my car (it’s been out since Thur), it’s been a struggle sometimes.  And if I hear from one more person that Lexus doesn’t make after market parts I’m going to hurt somebody.  Just buy the shit new, I don’t care.  It’s a frickin’ Lexus, I expect it to be expensive, as much as it sucks.

 

Well, I talked to her for a few minutes, as she is going out to dinner tonight.  I plan on getting together with Kolohegirl to watch a movie.  Hopefully Ghost Ship.  But she hasn’t finished the M.U.P.E. (name unpacking experience).  Kolohegirl stated she’d call me back, and was teasing me by saying “have car, will drive”.  Was it obvious that I wanted to get the hell out of here tonight?  I started watching Kill Bill Vol. 1, and will check out Vol. 2 tomorrow I guess.  Batlover called earlier and invited me to a movie, but I passed as I was on the way to give “Mystery Girl” her keys, and I told Kolohegirl we can get together. 

 

Okay, Kolohegirl is tired.  So maybe it was a bad call to tell Batlover I wouldn’t go.  Not to mention even Cookie wanted to get together with me tonight.  How the hell do I have three options, then end up at home doing nothing tonight?  I guess I’ll just post on here, watch some TV or a crap movie and go to bed.  I was supposed to get a call back after that cold shower to help her sunburn, but I haven’t heard from her (Mystery Girl).

 

Well, I better get a jump start on my exciting night.  I should add that my life is not as exciting as I may make it sound, but it’s not as bad either.  I don’t know.  Read what you read, think what you think.  Above all else, this is for me.  Did I forget that?  Sometimes I just feel like I’m going through the motions.  I’m just waiting for somebody to come along and snap me out of that normal everyday life stuff…until then…I’ll be here…

I’m batting a thousand.  That’s what I was told by Lisa, as I’ve said all the wrong things to her and Batlover.  And as for fucking Jay, well, I’m not allowed to talk to him for a week.  We’ll see if he still wants to chat after it all pans out.  I’m not sure what happened, actually, I think I do.  But it’s difficult to explain in words.  It just didn’t happen.  And that’s okay.  They are both great people, and they will both survive just fine.

 

I’m just ready for that wine on Saturday, but no LOTR, as I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that, but when I am, I’ll need it right then and there.  I know we have a list, so we’ll just have to review it and see what we can do…

 

I felt like Jerry Maguire today calling my friends to see whom I have left.

 

I’m not sure what will come of this, I set no expectations.  But, the second I did, was the second I think it’s started to fall apart.  It’s almost 9 pm.  Should I wonder?  Should I worry?  No.  Because life will go on.  I just didn’t let myself shine, at least not yet.  With some people you never get the opportunity to shine.  It’s been interesting.  Since talking to her I’ve felt younger than I ever have before.  I’ve brought back a lot of old memories, specifically from high school.  I learned another side of her today.  The family side.  Family seems to be very important to her.  And I have no problem with that.  Although Cookie would probably tell you differently, it simply isn’t true.  The power of names was the other thing.  It was very interesting to hear her take such an interest in it.  It showed another deep side to her.  It’s not like I’m keeping score, but she just says so many things that amaze me.  And I just don’t feel like I’m keeping up.  It’s hard to get into the swing of things.  Granted, it’s been 6 months.  But it is easier said than done.  Maybe that is why Batlover is friends first.  Maybe that is easier?  No, probably not for me.  I’ll probably starve to death here in a minute.  Without food, the amazingness and fantasy could just fade away…into those billowing winds I was talking about earlier.  As I’ve learned before, it doesn’t take much to revive things.  So I wouldn’t count on my thoughts and feelings just up and disappearing any time soon…

 

I took Maria (You’reTooWhiteForMe’s boss) out for lunch today.  She has been a great help with the Desktop Application, and I wanted to make sure she knew I was appreciative.  She has been working 12 hour days as well, and I couldn’t have made it without her.

 

I had a great conversation with Dr. B during lunch on Thursday.  The whole “fact or fiction” game was a blast.  I revealed more than I could imagine revealing, then again, she hasn’t been holding back either…

 

KLM is coming home!  I’m so excited, I miss her so much.  Even Cookie stated she misses her.  I can’t wait to see all the scary movies, go play racquetball, marble slab creamery.  And just do everything it is we always used to do.  She finally sold her house, and she should be here next month.  I’ll be waiting with open arms…

 

Maybe the whole youthfulness thing comes along with a going out later than usual thing?  I mean, I can stay up forever, but getting a late start?  I don’t know, it just feels weird.

 

Tigger got a good run tonight.  The bunnies were plentiful as well.  Everywhere you looked they were there.  It was nice.  Makes me happy to live where I live…even if it’s a first…

 

Well, I’m signing off for tonight.  Standby one Houston, I’ll catch you on the flipside…

A thought comes a thought goes…

Billowing in the winds of time…

Will it all come around again…?

Or am I just looking for sugar in the lime…?

 

I want it to come, I want it now…

But if I want it, will I ever get it…?

For the things I want I never receive…

As hard as I wish I just can’t believe…