April 21, 2004

• Although I’m really trying to get to bed early tonight, I wanted to take a moment to post.  I’ve only gotten 4 hours of sleep last night, and 3 hours the night before.  Fortunately, it hasn’t all been a result of work, as I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to talk with Mystery Girl at night.  Regardless of the late hours, I enjoy the conversations more than words can describe.

  
  

   

  
  

  A few weeks ago, I took the time to write about Le Mutt.  And just writing the last sentence brings me to tears.  She passed away earlier today.  I’ve been assured by Dr. B that this is not a result of the chocolate cake that she was able to eat on my birthday (it was spilled by a sibling).  And while I’m not one to argue with Dr. B on things on which I’m not an expert, I have to wonder.  I did yell at them that chocolate would kill the dog, and to make sure she didn’t eat any.  She stopped eating her food the next morning, and had lost a lot of weight over the past week.  When she was taken to the vet today, it was determined that she was bleeding internally.  And although I have no doubt that this was something that was in process prior to last week, I can’t help but wonder if the chocolate cake had an impact on it.  The timing is just too coincidental.  I mean, the next day, she never ate again.  It’s hard enough thinking that this was on my birthday, as if the day wasn’t bad enough.  Well, the decision was made that we would put her to sleep on Friday.  Well, unfortunately, she didn’t make it through the afternoon.  I gave my mom money to pay for the cremation, and I went and chatted with her earlier this evening.  I can see she is upset as well, as she sometimes takes it out on the kids (she was yelling at them for various reasons).  She just needs to vent her emotions, and unfortunately she does it by yelling at them.  Nothing big, just bitching in general.  I stopped by her house this morning on my way to work to give her the Highlander back, as I was driving it the last two days.  While I was there, I fed the dogs this morning.  I got some wet food and mixed it in with the dry food for Le Mutt, as we were trying to do anything to get her to eat.  I even got some hot water to soften it all up a little bit.  She licked at it and had a few bites, but not much.  I pet her while she lay there, and I waved to her before I left the house.  Not knowing that it would be the last time I saw her.  I always talk about the different reasons for which people come into our lives.  And sometimes I think the same is true for animals.  I know, kinda cheesy, but Tigger is here to keep me company, as that is why JenJen got him for me.  And Tonka, well, he is pure entertainment value for Cookie and I.  But we love him so…  And Le Mutt was there during my high school years.  The times that are the roughest for a lot of people, including myself.  I remember when she first came home, and I remember playing hide and seek (we’d hide in her kennel).  We knocked a window pane out of our back patio door (with a rock, and not on purpose) and she used it as a doggy door.  My first dog as a kid was Ruff, and man did I cry as a kid when we put him to sleep.  I remember the last time I got to take him for a walk, as I knew it would be his last.  I wanted so bad for Ruff to know tricks, I used to say that he knew to walk inside the cross walk and wouldn’t go outside the lines when crossing the street.  I’m not quite sure that was the case, but it made me feel like I taught him something.  It’s hard to type when your eyes are blinded with tears.  I just loved the dogs, as they are always there to love.  They don’t hurt you, they don’t say mean things, and they are always there when you come home (well, unless the gate is left open).  Le Mutt was all that and then some.  She was a smart dog, in comparison to the dogs that I’ve had and known.  Her temperament was great, as she loved just being near people and laying there.  The company was all she wanted.  She even gave me kisses this morning when I saw her.  It was hard to tell anything was wrong, and she still seemed so happy to see me.  With the exception of not eating, I would never have known.  I guess she grew weak as the day went on, but I wasn’t there to see it.  The kids learned a good lesson today, and I’m sure it will be a valuable life experience and memory for them.  My mom took them to see her at the vet.  Just to say their goodbye’s.  Although part of me thinks that is kind of morbid as it was after she died, I understand why she would do that.  And they seemed to feel better to have that.  I didn’t need it, as I guess I said my goodbye this morning.  I just didn’t know it.  I remember Jersey, and what it felt like when I lost her, and how grateful I was to still have Tigger.  The landscapers left the gate open and both Jersey and Tigger got out.  Jersey was hit by a car and didn’t make it.  She was fine physically, it was the shock that was too much for her.  Her original owner died of brain cancer.  We took her in after she had died.  We just think that maybe she missed her owner, as we hadn’t had her for more than a few months.  I don’t know.  I have Tigger on a wellness plan, I pay 27 dollars a month, regardless if he is ill or not.  He gets every vaccine they make for dogs, he gets his teeth cleaned once a year, as well as every other test annually.  I pay to have him stay in a suite with a TV when I’m not here, but still, I feel like I’m not good enough.  I was sure to spend some quality time with him when I got home, as I need to take the opportunity to appreciate that he is here and to give him some extra love.  God I miss Le Mutt.  She was just a sweetie.  When the window was broken in our living room (don’t remember what happened there) and I was asleep on the couch, she jumped over me and went out the window.  She took herself for a walk at the park about a block or two away, then came back in through the window.  I never noticed she was gone.  But several people told me they saw her at the park.  Then I caught her doing it again later.  I was impressed she knew her way around the neighborhood like that.  Like I said, I just thought she was a smart dog.  She was there for me when I needed her, and her sweetness was seen by all that met her.  I will miss her with all my heart.

  
  

   

  
  

  And as if that wasn’t enough, I got a call from JenJen yesterday.  And because of the time of day, as I was at work, I knew something was wrong.  She called to tell me that Joe died in a motorcycle accident.  Joe was a good friend of hers, throughout her junior high, high school, and even college life.  I didn’t get along with him, as he spent the first year or so of me being with her trying to convince her that I wasn’t worth it.  But I was with her for several more years, and I hope it wasn’t as bad as he was trying to convince her it was.  Well, a year ago, Joe’s best friend died in a motorcycle accident.  And although he promised JenJen that he wouldn’t ride one, this last week he traded his car for his friend’s motorcycle just for the week.  No helmet, as he said that if he died, he wanted to die the same way his friend did.  Well, he did.  And he took a young woman with him.  A girl in whose name has not yet been released.  And if JenJen is correct in her assumption, she is somebody I knew from high school as well.  He was drinking that night.  Of course, so, mix that with no helmet, and with a late night (or early morning in this case) it is a recipe for disaster.  Some say it was fate, some say it was intentional.  I do not know.  All I know is that she is hurt, and I feel for her.  I’ve called her continually to check in.  I know she’s got her friends and her boyfriend, but I will always have a love for her that will never cease to exist.  I just want to be sure to do anything I can for her.  The funeral will be in Phoenix on Thursday (she is in school at U of A where he was too).  Although I didn’t care much for him while I knew him, I do care about what happened, and I am sympathetic for his friends and family.  As well as the friends and family of the girl he was with.  JenJen, if you need anything, I’m always here for you…

  
  

   

  
  

  It’s been a busy day, I’ve worked over 12 hours again, and I had to watch 24 (it’s the only show I have left).  It was sad, the only chance I had to talk to Jim today at work was to follow him into the bathroom so I we could chat while he pissed.  Something is wrong with that picture.  I did however see him on my way home tonight, as we live across the street from each other.  I was talking to Mystery Girl at the time, and I could see he was on his phone too.  I’m sure I’ll be lucky enough to hear from Mystery Girl again tonight.  I know several people today saw some tears, and I just didn’t have time to care, as I was just too busy with work.  I’ll take time to grieve, and I’ll head to bed now.  I wish the best for Joe’s and his passenger’s friends and families, and I will never forget Le Mutt.  As I will always have the stuffed animal from which her name is derived, and I will never forget how much she meant to me…

  
  

   

  
  

  Sweet Dreams…

  • 1:27 am
  • 1 Comment