April 3, 2004

• My post from Monday is still very accurate.  As work hasn’t changed all that much.  In fact, I actually stopped working to take time to post this.  Work got worse before it got any better.  I’m tired of the long hours and the stress.  I know I can do stuff about it, but it is one thing to say something, it’s another to do it.  And I don’t like disappointing anybody.  So, it’s hard to tell people at work that I can’t do something.  I’m just exhausted, and I feel bad for Lisa that I wasn’t good company today at brunch.  My mind is just elsewhere.

  
  

   

  
  

  Oh, and as if Terry wasn’t good enough, he writes poems for his girlfriend too.  Yeah, he is all that and a bag of chips.  I need to remember to give him a list of my movies for his next trip.  He is smart, because unlike Kolohegirl, he comes home every weekend before going back the next week.  At least he gets some time with his girlfriend.  She can’t possibly be to happy with him having to be gone all week.  I’ve talked to him a lot lately, even more so on a personal level.  I can’t believe I can have so much to talk about with somebody so much older than me.  He just fascinates me too.  I just find these people, like Jim, or Eric, and just watch in awe to everything they have to say.

  
  

   

  
  

  Oh, and horses run wild in America.  Good to know.  You can even adopt one.  For cheap (just over $100).  Sometimes I realize that all I see is my little window in the world.  Abre los ojos.  Open your eyes.  Sometimes that’s what I need to do.  Maybe I ought to join Batlover in that international volunteering effort.  Get me out, realize that there is more to life than love, movies, and work.

  
  

   

  
  

  Okay, back to my little world: Scrubs can provide deep thoughts.  I just love that show.  It can hit you on all kinds of different levels.  If it ever comes out on DVD I’m all over that.  Add it to my collection.

  
  

   

  
  

  And all the women are going to Texas.  First JB, now Maureen, and AprilLynn.  Well, for clarification, I don’t think Maureen is going to Texas.  She was the project manager that I spoke about awhile back.  She can be a pain, but she did a good job.  She did give Peter a kiss on either his cheek or his forehead before she left.  He and she had a serious love/hate relationship going on.  It was great working with her, and I wish her the best on her future endeavors.  I know I’ll here about AprilLynn’s trip, and about the cowboys, the cowboys, oh, and did I mention the cowboys?  Even over the web, I’m captivated by her…

  
  

   

  
  

  I got a call from JB on Friday.  It really caught me off guard.  I guess I just don’t expect to hear from her.  As much as I want to, I just figured I couldn’t.  It was really nice talking to her though, and I hope I’m always available when she calls.  Sometimes I just want to take back those Evanescence thoughts.  Like the “if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave”.  Because I really didn’t want her to leave, regardless of the fact that she had to. 

  
  

   

  
  

  I’ve found a few imperfections in Aura.  But such is life.

  
  

   

  
  

  Tigger is out on the patio, he watches the birds and the cute little bunnies.  It has got to bug him that they are right there and he can’t get to them.  He likes to lie out there.  The breeze is nice, and the cement is nice and cool.  There is another dog that lies up on the patio nearby.  They sit there and look at each other, and I wonder what they think.  I know what I think.  Any chance your owner is single and wants to go out for coffee?  She looked cute, but I’m not sure that she is single.  This morning, when I got back from brunch, she was walking her dog (I can’t remember his name), and you could tell she just rolled out of bed to take him out.  She had a Michigan sweatshirt on, and she was yawning every few steps and rubbing her face.  She looked like all she wanted to do was go back to bed.  I think women are very attractive when they look like that.  It just looks pure and true.  No makeup, no fancy outfits.  Just the real deal.  Just pure beauty.  I like that part.  Not that everything else isn’t great too, but I like to take time to appreciate that look with the one I love.

  
  

   

  
  

  Jay and Batlover have issues.  But those are their issues.  I try to help him out when I can, but ultimately it is up to him and her.  I’m supposed to do that ride along with him at the fire station.  I’m really curious what that is like.  I’ll probably feel like a fool, as I have no idea what the world is like (reference Mustangs in the wild in America).

  
  

   

  
  

  And my latest interest has been Farah.  Granted, she’s at work, and it’s just a fascination sort of thing.  I really wish I could find people that I have even the smallest interest in outside of work.  Problem is work is all I do.  Terry told me that there is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, he met his girlfriend at work.  This was at his last company, but still.  He’s 48, and who can argue with experience?  I digress.  Anyway, back to Farah.  Her and her cohort next to her, well, mostly her cohort, give me a hard time about JB.  But who doesn’t?  I mean, yeah, it was obvious.  But they never really know for sure.  And if they did know anything, they would never know to what extent I cared, as sometimes I’m not sure that anybody knows but me.  Tangent, again.  Anyway, back to Farah, again, she speaks fluent Spanish.  That totally caught me off guard.  She just doesn’t strike me as somebody to know it.  We’re in Arizona, where being white is a minority.  Well, maybe not, as I say that in jest, but my point is that most Spanish speaking individuals are Mexican.  And she has a Spain background.  Her mom is trilingual, as she knows French as well.  Anyway, well, my fascination continued when I found out she used to know a lot of people that I used to go to high school with.  One of which was her ex-boyfriend, who I thought was a jerk.  But there were others, and it was just amazing that she could know all of them, and not have gone to my school.  My graduating class was like 700 people.  There were thousands of people in that school.  And for my small little group of people that I knew, for her to know the same, was amazing.  Maybe I’m just easily amused.  But no worries, as I think she has a boyfriend.  So, I’ll continue to be fascinated by her, and that’ll be it.

  
  

   

  
  

  Communications with Christy have continued these past few weeks.  We exchange e-mails quite often.  It’s nice because I don’t feel as though I have to respond, it’s that I want to respond.  I take my sweet time, as I’m still crazy busy with work.  And sometimes it’s not until after 10 at night that I can, but I almost always do respond.  I’m still trying to figure her out though.  She seems like she has a front to her, and there is much more hidden behind what I see.  I’m not sure though.  And I’m not sure that it matters, as she, most certainly, has a boyfriend.  He’s a nice guy, but since the first time I met her, I didn’t think he paid enough attention to her, or gave her enough respect.  I don’t see the whole picture though.  I do see that he cares, but it just seems like she could be happier.  They had a tiff when they were out last night with us.  I was really looking forward to going when I knew she would be there (because nothing is hotter than an unavailable woman!).  It was just good company, and even he was fun to talk with.  I tried to keep them happy with each other, but after awhile, I gave up.  I then had to leave, because I felt uncomfortable.  Out of place.  I kind of felt that way the whole evening, but when Christy was unhappy, I just didn’t want to be there anymore, as there wasn’t going to be anything I could do.  She stated everything was fine, but I didn’t believe her.  The smile had drifted off her face.  Her beauty was still there, but it wasn’t the same as when I had first arrived.

  
  

   

  
  

  I talked to Kolohegirl on my way home that night, as I try to talk to her every night.  Lisa’s kids were still up playing Ninja Gaiden when I stopped by her house.  I would love to play football, basketball or even do something else every weekend with them.  Even video games would be fun.  Keep myself youthful.  We were going to play the game Halo all together last time Jay was there.  I haven’t played video games in a longtime.  Well, with the exception of Ms. Pac-Man when I was drunk at Macayo’s with Batlover.  I’m supposed to go there tonight with Lisa.  Not sure if I’m going to do that or not.  I have a headache.  All day I’ve had one.  I spent $70 at Petsmart for Tiggeroni today.  And Lisa was worried I was going to call her Jen.  I bought a beer and some chips and salsa last night.  The waitress, Nicole, who was totally hot by the way, comped the chips and salsa.  So, all I had was my $4 beer.  Well, the tab came, and I paid 55.08 (including tip).  That’s an expensive beer!  Well, TDM had his stuff on there, and I owed Lisa money I’m sure.  And I did tell TDM that I would buy him a drink sometime.  So, it’s all good.  Lisa was just so funny today, as she didn’t want me to call her Jen.  I don’t know that anybody sees how much Lisa cares for her friends, and how much she wants to really care for that special someone.  I just hope she finds the one soon, so she can put all that love to use while she has it.  The worst thing that could happen is that she becomes a bitter old woman because she hasn’t found “the one”.  Lisa has too much love for that.  I’d hate to see it go to waste.  Until then, she should give it to her kids.  They need it more than anyone else.

  
  

   

  
  

  Thanks to all for the kind words of support.  I know I could easily delete the post, or even restrict it so only I, or a few others could see it.  But that wouldn’t be right, as that is not me.  As the Goo Goo Dolls put it: “I want you to know who I am”.

  
  

   

  
  

  The rain was really pretty Thursday night and Friday.  I just wish I had turned off the two lights I had on and lit my Stormwatch candles.  I had the patio door open so I could listen to it, and the breeze felt really nice.  It was just perfect.  Well, almost, if only she was here to enjoy it with me.  That would have been perfect. 

  • 6:48 pm
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